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I don’t know if it’s because Christmas is coming up, because I’ve been exceptionally tired lately (sadly, NOT an indication of pregnancy), or what, but I have been feeling so unmotivated! I’m not even interested in playing my FaceBook games right now, though I do because I’m also bored.

Periodically, I get the urge to work on my novel- which is also about the time that I remember something that actually has to get done. Most of the time, I ponder which of my many sites I have to work on while I’m busy feeding virtual fish.

Last week, my friends convinced me to finally write a PLR pack like I’ve been talking about for the past 3 or 4 years. I keep meaning to, just never get around to it. But guess what? They pushed me, I did it and… Now I’m putting off learning how to list it so that it gets automatically delivered, and knowing that I’ll actually have to post it up for sale. Personally, I think sales pitches are stupid, so I probably won’t bother doing that at all, but I then worry that if I don’t do a sales pitch, will I not actually sell the pack?

And then I think, “I should do an e-book!” But what on? I know Walt Disney World better than almost anyone who hasn’t worked there for 5 or more years (seriously, I’ve met lifers there who barely know how to do more than ring up a sale). And should I really be spending my time on an ebook when I won’t even go do the link building for the sites that are already earning me money?

I know, I need to just suck it up and do it. Focus. The problem is, what on?

I may lose a lot of friends over this, but I’m a Christian. I’ve always kept my religious and political believes to a low murmur for many reasons. One of which is because I felt that I wasn’t a very good witness. You know, I’d begun swearing, and behaving in an ungodly manner. It happens, and it did.

The thing is, I’ve just come out of a hard place, or am coming out of it now. Hard to tell depending on what time of day it is. Anyway, I’ve rediscovered my faith, and while it’s still a rough time, I just felt that it was very important to talk about this.

There are a handful of celebrities who have been on my heart lately. Blame it on Lynn Spears’ Through The Storm or what you will. I had the thought to start a positive celebrity blog, but I’m really not sure that’s what God has for me.  But I do know that while I’m praying for someone very important in my life, there are a few others that I need to lift up in prayer.

Britney Spears is one- though that may be because of her mother’s book. But also the Jonas Brothers who are professing Christians and are wearing purity rings. They’ve taken a LOT of flack in the media for that. And Christian or not, there is nothing wrong with abstaining until marriage. If they change their minds, I don’t want it to be because of peer pressure! And Miley Cyrus since she’s still essentially a good kid, but is starting to become affected by the limelight.

I started looking for a celebrity prayer list and found instead a rather strong gossip site. I know a lot of people love the celeb gossip sites, but I’ve turned my back on them (hold me accountable if I slip up!). Eventually, though, I found one site that either assigns you a celebrity to pray for or lets you pick one from their list. That sounded a bit controlling to me, though I’m sure that wasn’t the intention.

However, after a little more searching, I found Celebrity Prayer Network. This isn’t exactly what I had in mind, but it’s close. While I have it on my heart to pray for all celebs whether they’re believers or not, this site focuses on those who seem to be most in need. Like I said, Christian celebrities need to be supported as much or more than other celebs to keep them from caving into the media machine. But it’s a good starting off point if you don’t have special celebs on your heart.

The other one would be Barack Obama. He’s about to take the highest office in our land, to be one of the most powerful men in the world. He definitely needs prayer. Whether you voted for him or not, he’s ours for the time being, and anyone needs prayer- a leader most of all.

So, I’m sorry to any of you who find this highly offensive, but the whole point of the blogosphere is to put ourselves out there, isn’t it? So that’s what I’m doing. This site is the “all of me” personal blog. I may not share my hurts in so public a forum, but there ya go.

I have been pushing myself mercilessly for over two weeks now. I think it’s pretty obvious by my lack of posting and commenting (and, forgive me, reading- both blogs and books) that I’ve actually been working, and not procrastinating and calling it work.

I’ve had the odd break here and there: a visit with my friends T&C, who are also my editors at TitleTrakk (though we mostly talked business, because T is a magazine writer, and C is a novelist, and I’m sorta in between. Plus we all run websites, and, well, you get the idea). Also an evening at the in-laws, twice hubby decided that rooms needed rearranging, and so on.

But the projects I’ve been working on are coming to an end. I now have 52 Squidoo lenses, all of which have been updated within the past two weeks. I need to build a few more to give myself a cushion, but I think I’ll qualify as a Giant Squid by the end of the week (we’ll see if they agree).

My medusa site, while likely to never actually be finished given the rate of new product being released, has over 450 live pages, most of which are indexed. I think. I’m getting search hits and even had a sale, so I’m just guessing here.

I have a few more large projects in the offing: a site based on the My Town Monday idea (I totally blame you Travis, if that site takes up all my time), more affiliate sites, and, actually, I plan to do NaNoWriMo this year. More on that later.

Here’s the thing. I don’t believe that I have EVER focused for so long one one (or, technically, two) projects at a time. With Squidoo, it was having a deadline imposed on me. I can’t force myself to stick to my own deadlines, so having one thrust upon me was key. With my medusa site, I expected it to be a one or two day project, but it just kept growing, and growing, and growing….

But I stuck to it. Usually I don’t. Usually, at some point when I realize that the project is bigger than I planned, and the reward so small or unlikely, I just up and quit. Usually intending to go back and finish it later, which I never do.

As these projects have been winding down, I’ve been thinking about my next big project. At first, it was considering taking a break before NaNoWriMo. And then it was thinking of building up a series of articles for the MTM type site. But then I realized that I already have a big project. A really big project. A project that I love but have been ignoring since these projects started.

My novel. Why am I pushing it off to focus on other projects? Is it for the reasons I stated? The deadline, and the unexpected sizes of the projects? Is it the fear of failure? Or is it just because I don’t know how to buckle down and work?

As I thought about it, I’ve decided that it’s because I’ve never made myself work before. Schoolwork was always pointless to me, and I test well. I bluffed my way through reports, and I always just winged it at my jobs- taking orders, not initiative.

So now that I’ve completed these humongous tasks, will I be able to apply it to the rest of my life? Will I suddenly have a clean home? A happy husband who’s fed healthy food and given lots of attention? A finished novel? All three would be nice, but I’ll settle for the novel (sorry hubs).

I guess only time will tell, but if you don’t see me around, assume the best.