Fantasy football fever is breaking out all over my work place. Honestly, I really don’t get this, but perhaps that’s only because I don’t get football. I mean, I see all the pretty green grass and wonder why they have to ruin it by painting white stripes across it.

But what I really don’t understand about fantasy football is that apparently you don’t even put together a dream team. No, you simply pick one player and gain points based on what your player does in each game.

Just one player?

Heck, if I can only score points using one player, then I can do this fantasy league thing with anything! Or anyone. So I propose a Fantasy Author’s League.

I don’t have all the details worked out yet, but I see a point system that goes something like this:

1 Point For The Following Events:

Author has a book published in the current year, between January 1st and December 31st.

Each endorsement by someone who isn’t the author’s student, relative, best friend, or other person whom the reader couldn’t care less about.

Every review from a dedicated media outlet (book review bloggers allowed, regular bloggers not allowed).

Each award nomination (made up awards do not apply).

Each book currently in print (POD does not apply)

2 Points For The Following Events:

Each writer’s conference or publishing conference in which the author is a speaker.

Each genre award that the author, or author’s book wins in the current year.

Hitting a genre best seller list (including CBA).

Each endorsement from an author who has 2 or more books currently in print.

3 Points For The Following Events:

Hitting the top ten New York Times Best Seller List.

Winning a national award, such as any award that JK Rowling’s books boast about.

Each endorsement from a New York Times Best Selling author.

5 Points For The Following Events:

Each endorsement from Anne Rice, Nora Roberts, John Grisham, JK Rowling, Stephen King or similar.

Being Anne Rice, Nora Roberts, John Grisham, JK Rowling, Stephen King or similar.

Deduct 5 Points For The Following Events:

Each book that is self-published.

Each post that slags off readers or fellow authors.

Releasing a book about sparkly vampires, mopey teens, or having a b*tchy protagonist who hooks up with every hunk, spends her entire salary on shoes, eats nothing but lettuce, and feels justified in ditching her druggie best friend because her boss is obnoxious.

Anybody have points to add?

This post brought to you by: my mother complaining that I haven’t posted anything new, and my new found (soon to be lost) ability to finish reading my favorite blogs with time to spare.