WordVixen.com

So, I haven’t been reviewing books much lately. In fact, I haven’t been reading much at all outside of just before bed. First I was too busy building my internet marketing empire, and then I got sucked into FaceBook games.

However, in the last week I’ve received two books to review, one of which is the second in a series that I haven’t read, so I have to read the first book as well. That review is set for the middle of August. I’ve also been given the chance to endorse a new book by one of my favorite authors, which means that I have to read it first- and that’s due approximately a week later at the latest. And it would be just rude to make the other book review wait more than a month or so, since that one was sent directly from the author who wanted me to review it on my Christian Fantasy Squidoo lens.

I absolutely do not regret agreeing to any of these, but it does mean that I’m going to have to put the mouse away and start reading instead of farming.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have another book to finish reviewing, so that I can send it out to a friend tomorrow!

Hey everyone. I’ve been too busy playing games on Facebook to actually get any work done. But, I figured that while I’m waiting for my energy to regenerate, I could at least work on my agent query. Here’s what I have so far…

Dear Agent,

Sorry, I’d address you personally but I don’t actually know your name. But that’s ok, because once you hear my idea for a book, I’m sure you’ll forget about absolutely everything else!

I’m currently researching a book about SkyDiving Elephants and the Pineapples Who Love Them. The working title is “You Forgot To Pack My Trunk!”. My 10 year old is a really good drawer, and I thought she could do the illustrations. I think that would be really good for promotion too, because then kids will want to buy the book as much as adults, because someone their own age did the drawings!

I know that platform is everything, and so I’ve started a hugely successful blog. I have a lot of people coming to visit it, sometimes as many as 50 in a day. I know that 5 of them are foaming at the mouth just waiting for me to get published. I know this, because one is my mother, two of them are my best friends, one’s my brother’s girlfriend (we get along really, really well), and the other one is a stalker. I think if I tell him I’ll give him my phone number if he buys 5000 copies, we’ll have a really good start on sales.

And don’t worry, I’m totally not a noob. I’ve already found a publisher that wants me, and it’ll only cost $5000 for the first run of 250 books.

So, email me right back and we’ll get started!

Sincerely,
XOXO

P.S. Don’t try to steal my idea because I’ve copyrighted it.

(To anyone who isn’t familiar with me or my blog, please don’t flame me. This is a joke. Everyone knows that pineapples don’t love elephants, and if they did, they wouldn’t go on record about it.)