I’ve been tagged by the lovely Kathy Kehrli over at Screw You! for this helpful meme. The goal of this meme is to give you, the readers, hints and tips to help you become more effective bloggers.
Yeah, I know. I couldn’t keep a straight face either. 
Kathy is actually lovely, but the rest is BS (and I don’t mean Bachelor of Science). Ok, the point of this meme is actually to offer bad blogging advice. Evil blogging advice. Advice that is sure to land your blog (and those who follow the advice therein) in Google’s dung heap.
1. U R My BFF, L8er! - Typing is hard. So is reading. So when you’re ready to post, use digital shorthand wherever possible. The longer the post, the shorter your words should be. Besides, you have to stay current, or lose out to the competition. Fur Realz!
2. If It’s On The Internet, It Must Be Free – Hey, if they didn’t want you using their articles, they wouldn’t put it online. Copyright only extends to print media anyway, so just don’t copy out of a magazine. Unless you found it on their website.
3. Ignore Your Readers – Nobody really wants your response to their comments. That’s why they’re commenting. They’re responding to you! Anyway, they’re either agreeing with you (naturally), or they’re too brainless to know how right you are and are attempting to argue with you. Don’t encourage them.
4. And She Said “Doo-winkle!” – Fill your posts with inside jokes, and make sure that the comment section is filled with your friends bantering back and forth about said joke. If an “outsider” dares poke their profile into your sacred space, ignore them entirely. This is the only exception to rule #3.
5. Spoil Alert! – Not. Do whatever it takes to get through hot new movies and books as soon as possible and post the spoilers and endings. Don’t bother posting up spoiler alerts- if they don’t want to know, then they shouldn’t be on the internet. Besides, within days you will be hugely famous for being the first blogger to post such necessary information live! Remember that guy in France that got busted for translating Deathly Hallows and posted it on his website? Me neither, but he was famous for a day or so.
As for my taggees: Travis Erwin (sorry I haven’t done your meme yet- I’ll get to it!), Mom & More, Wolf (since this seems right up your alley), and C. J. – hey you did say you were looking for post ideas that your readers would find interesting!
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“…right up your alley.” Hmmm. So what are you saying, exactly?
Ok, I’ll give this some thought.
I don’t know, wolf, maybe we live near the same alley
Okay, I’m game… I’ll have it up soon.
You’ve given us all some wonderful horrible advice. If I might add one more item. Encourage comment hijacking so folks can wander in and create extraneous comments that are longer than your original post.
This reminds me of that fateful day in high school when coach Ratfeller stayed late, sorting his balls it is said, and by the time he had all of the baseballs, footballs, softballs, basketballs and goofballs all line up in little rows in the gym, he came outside to drive home finding, on that rainy evening, an empty parking lot. He went inside to call his wife or his lover (whoever answered first) and found his VW Beetle had been lifted up the front steps and left in the lobby with the word “SWAK” on a piece of poster paper taped to the trunk. The hearts and perfume lead him to believe his wife had nothing to do with it, that it was most likely some thugs associated with the cheerleaders.
TF
I’m hopelessly out of it, but I can’t figure out most of the digital shorthand. There is something that looks like ROFLM or some such and it reminds of the slang, “to ralph,” which means puke.
For a long time I thought LOL stood for Later on Loser and got fairly uptight when someone addressed it to me.
Number 3 and 4 are great and really made me laugh.
And I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I only figured out what LOL stood for last week. Honestly, I thought it meant ‘lots of love,’ and half the time that hardly seemed appropriate.
Okay, I thought I was bad on the shorthand, and I will actually ask in the middle of a chat because I don’t care if they think I’m a moron… though I think later on loser’s funny.
Wolf & Merry- I know I told Montucky that I was going to move to Montana, but moving into an alley with you two would be just as good.
I’m looking forward to your posts.
TF- Oooh… Comment hijacking! How did I not think of that with the discussion going on at Communati? Consider yourself tagged. I wanna hear this one!
And this is not good… phrases like “sorting his balls” should not be uttered at the beginning of a story- it’s too hard to move on!
Alex- ROFLMAO = Rolling On Floor, Laughing My A$$ Off. Though, the A can be substituted with B. And I’m with Merry, Later On Loser is too funny!
Mary- I’m glad you came to visit (and that you liked them).
I was lucky to start out my internet career by hanging out in a friendly chat room. Even so, it took me weeks to ask what LOL stood for (and there’s still debates over “laughing out loud”, “lots of laughter”, or something else entirely).
I’ll have to ponder onthis one for a while But I’ll try to get up a mock post later in the week.
And Alex I’m gonna tag you jsut because it will be fun to see what you come up with.
Okay … this might be one meme I skip!!! Ha ha.
Oh, and I saw a blog hijacked recently–hilarious.
ROTFL, URthebest. . .um, er, I mean, what a funny blog.
CJ- no prob. But I bet it would be popular!
Jersey- thx, ur kewl 2